Baby Blunders
by MaxCale
Summary: "Alright mommies and daddies. Tonight we'll cover some of the basics of caring for an infant: mixing a bottle of formula, bottle feeding, changing diapers, bathing, dressing, and checking your baby's temperature. And to make things more realistic, you'll each be working with realistic baby dolls. And when I say realistic I mean as real as you can get without using actual infants."


**This story is dedicated to Ramyfan1981, who wanted to read about Amy and Ricky's experience together in a birthing class.**

Ricky held the door for Amy to walk through and quickly followed her inside, not entirely sure what he was walking into but fully resolved to go through this with her; it was the least he could do. The walked into the medium sized classroom where eight tables, each with two chairs, were arranged in a semicircle facing the front of the room. Amy headed towards the last empty table. Ricky held out Amy's chair and then pushed it under her when she sat down before taking his own seat. He scanned the room and was slightly relieved to see that he wasn't the only male present. Ricky turned his eyes towards his and Amy's table and raised an eyebrow questioningly. Before him were two small baby dolls in car seats, one boy one girl, that appeared to be squirming; diapers; wipes; baby powder; baby clothes; Kleenex; baby bottles; a small can of baby formula; a plastic pitcher; a small stack of white cloths; and two thermometers. Ricky turned to Amy questioningly and she simply shrugged, having no idea what they needed all the items for yet. She tickled the stomach of the baby doll in front of her and jumped back slightly when it giggled at her. She turned wide eyes to Ricky and saw her surprise mirrored in his own face. _Alive baby dolls? What kind of class is this?_ A moment later their instructor came into the room and smiled at her students.

"Good evening everyone." She walked to the front of the room and then turned to face them, a smile still on her face. "Alright mommies and daddies. Tonight we'll cover some of the basics of caring for an infant: mixing a bottle of formula, bottle feeding, changing diapers, bathing, dressing, and checking your baby's temperature. And to make things more realistic, you'll each be working with realistic baby dolls. And when I say realistic I mean as real as you can get without using actual infants." She turned to face the whiteboard behind her and flipped the board over to reveal several diagrams and sets of instructions. "Let's begin."

* * *

**Making Baby's Bottle**

"Why don't I read the instructions to you while you make your bottle and then you read them for me?" Amy suggested. Ricky nodded in agreement and Amy picked up the can. "First you're supposed to fill the bottle with six ounces of water." Ricky took their pitcher of water and filled his bottle to the correct line. "Next you add two rounded scoops of formula."

"What the heck does a 'rounded' scoop look like?" Amy held the can out towards Ricky to show him the image depicted on it of a rounded scoop. He nodded and proceeded to add formula to the bottle. Apparently Ricky wasn't the only one who didn't know what a rounded scoop looked like.

"Honey, do you think that's rounded enough?" a mother-to-be asked her husband, who just shrugged.

"It said rounded, Steven! You're putting in too much!" another mother-to-be scolded her husband. Ricky tried to hide a smile as Amy continued reading instructions.

"So now you're supposed to cap the bottle and shake it until well mixed." Ricky did so, checking every once in a while to see if his bottle was completely mixed yet. When it was ready, Amy mixed her own bottle of formula.

"Honey, is that right?" a dad-to-be asked his wife nervously, holding up his partially mixed bottle.

"Why doesn't mine look like the picture?" another dad-to-be asked his girlfriend.

"How should I know!" she replied. "I've never done this before either." She looked for their instructor, who was walking between the tables checking everyone's progress. "Eileen," she called out. "Are we doing this right?" the instructor walked over to check their bottles. She smiled when she passed Amy and Ricky and saw that they'd completed the task successfully.

* * *

**Feeding Baby**

"Kyle, if you hold your baby like that too much air will get into his stomach and he'll get an awful stomach ache," Eileen admonished one father. "Elizabeth, if you don't hold the bottle at an angle your baby will have a much harder time eating," she instructed a mother. "SIMON! You **must** support your infant's head as she can't hold it up on her own yet. We wouldn't want her to die would we?" Simon blushed while his wife gasped and gave him a deadly glare. "Very good, Amy," she told Amy with a smile when she came to their table. "And I don't know your name," she said to Ricky pleasantly.

"It's Ricky. I'm the dad," he added by way of explanation. Eileen simply nodded in understanding, gave him a smile, and continued checking one everyone's progress.

"Diana, you can hold him closer to you. It'll make feeding time more comfortable for both of you." One mother-to-be suddenly burst into tears.

"My baby hates me!" she declared. "He won't take the bottle!" Eileen rushed over to calm the young woman and show her how to coax her baby into feeding.

"Don't forget to burp your baby when you're done feeding him or her," Eileen reminded the class. Amy's baby had finished eating and she suddenly panicked. Ricky noticed her fidgeting and glanced over at her, his baby still eating.

"What's wrong?" he asked her. Amy swiveled her worried eyes to look at Ricky.

"What if I pat her back too hard and break her?" Amy asked seriously, her eyes beginning to tear up. Eileen came by their table at that moment.

"What's the matter, Amy?" Amy looked at her instructor forlornly.

"Will I break my baby if I pat her back too hard?" Eileen gave her an encouraging smile.

"Start to burp her and I'll let you know if you're patting too hard." Amy put a spit up rag over her right shoulder and positioned her baby doll so she'd spit up over it. Amy began patting her doll's back tentatively and Eileen chuckled. "You need to pat a little harder, Amy, or the air in her little tummy won't come up." Amy patted a little harder and Eileen smiled. "A little harder, Amy." Amy did so and when she did, her doll burped. Amy smiled and turned to look at Ricky with awe.

"I did it!" she cried happily. Ricky chuckled.

"I heard. And you didn't break her." Amy pursed her lips in annoyance and kicked Ricky's leg under the table but her eyes were still cheerful so he just laughed and then proceeded to burp his own doll.

* * *

**Changing Baby**

"Phillip, you should always have your diaper changing supplies ready when changing your baby's diaper so their feet don't accidentally kick out and end up in their soiled diaper," Eileen scolded one father who was reaching over for baby wipes, and whose baby doll had in fact put its foot in its soiled diaper.

"Amy, it's easiest to hold both of your baby's ankles in one hand while you change the diaper." Eileen glanced at the table to Amy's left. "And don't use too much powder, Karen. Going overboard can cause just as much skin irritation as too little. Amy started to tear up when Eileen moved away from their table. Ricky leaned over towards her.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently. Amy sniffled but continued changing her doll's diaper.

"What if I suck at this once our baby's here?" she asked, her voice wavering. Ricky gave her a small smile and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"You've got months to practice changing diapers and you decided to do it the hard way just this once. You'll be a pro by the time our kid's here." He winked at her and she giggled.

"Thanks," she told him with a smile.

"Anytime," he replied, smiling back.

* * *

**Bathing Baby**

"Jacob, don't you think your baby would get cleaner if you bathe it with the bubble bath and not the shampoo?" Eileen asked one father with a chuckle as she walked past his baby bathtub. She walked over to another table when a baby doll started wailing. She stuck her finger into the water and quickly removed the baby doll. "The water's **much** too hot for a newborn, Caroline."

"But you said kinda warm and it's kinda warm." Caroline turned towards her boyfriend. "Tommy, put your hand in. It's kinda warm right?" Tommy reached over and stuck his hands in. Not understanding what the problem was he looked at Eileen for further instruction.

"I said tepid. That's halfway between warm and cool, which is **not** the same as kinda warm." Caroline carried her baby and plastic pitcher to the sink at the back of the room to get some cooler water to add to her baby bathtub.

"Ricky, while you need to be gentle with an infant, if you continue cleaning your baby **that** gently he'll never get clean. Infants are fragile but they're not made of glass," she told him with a wink before walking off to check the other couples and their bathing adventure.

* * *

**Dressing Baby**

Amy dried off her baby doll and attempted to dress it but her doll decided to be difficult and kept squirming. This time Amy burst into tears. Eileen rushed over.

"What's the matter, Amy?" Amy turned tear streaked cheeks towards her instructor.

"Now **my** baby hates me! She won't hold still so I can get her dressed and if I try to hold her down or something I'm scared I'm gonna hurt her and I don't want anyone to take her away 'cuz I'm a bad mother who hurts her baby!" she put her face in her hands and sobbed. Ricky quickly put his own baby doll, still wrapped in a towel from its bath, back in its car seat and took Amy into his arms.

"Don't cry, Amy. No one's gonna say you're a bad mother."

"You don't know that!" she wailed, crying into his t-shirt. Ricky rubbed her back soothingly.

"Amy, babies squirm. I'm sure holding them a little firmly so you can put their clothes on won't hurt 'em at all." He smiled into the top of her hair. "Babies are fragile but they're not made of glass you know." Amy chuckled despite how upset she was, remembering Eileen telling Ricky that while he was bathing his baby doll.

"He's right, Amy," Eileen agreed. "You can take a firm hold of your baby to get their clothes on without hurting them. I'll help you." Amy smiled up at her instructor gratefully and together they got her baby doll dressed in clean clothes after its bath.

* * *

**Checking Baby's Temperature**

"You want me to do what to my baby!" a mother-to-be shrieked. "Are you insane!?" Eileen gave the young woman a knowing smile.

"Infants can't regulate their body temperature yet so any temperature readings you get from taking their temperature orally or via their ears is unreliable. That's why you need to take an infant's temperature rectally," she calmly explained. Ricky glanced over at Amy when he saw her cringe at Eileen's words. Very slowly, and hesitantly, each person used a thermometer to rectally take their baby doll's temperature.

* * *

**Bye-Bye Baby**

Ricky had never been so happy to get out of a class. They left their baby dolls in their car seats and got up to leave at the end of their hour-and-a-half long class. Ricky held the door for Amy so she could walk out first and then held the passenger door open for her when they reached his car. Once she was settled, he closed it and walked around to the driver's side. He got in and buckled himself in but didn't start the car just yet. He turned towards Amy.

"So."

"So."

"You think we'll be ready by the time he or she gets here?" he asked with a smirk. Amy chuckled.

"Let's just **hope** that we get all this stuff down by then." Amy looked down at her barely there baby bump and rubbed it. "We've got five months to become pros at this so thankfully we've got some time." She smiled and looked up at Ricky, who returned her smile and nodded.

"Five months. Yeah, we'll be ready by then." Ricky started the car and backed out of the parking space. As he started driving Amy home he chuckled. "I guess we're already ahead of the game anyway since we knew not to bathe our baby with baby shampoo." He and Amy looked at each other and laughed. They continued laughing about some of the other parents' mishaps, as well as their own, all the way back to Amy's house.

**THE END**


End file.
